Ahh...the days are long and the nights are short. Camp. You gotta love it. I can't believe that the week is almost over; it honestly has been such a highlight of the summer. I love, love, love that my job this week is simply to hang out with kids. The fun part is that, though they don't have a choice, they seem to not mind hanging out with me as well. :) Although I'm rather out of touch with the rest of the world, it has been a week of extreme relationships at the Oak and I feel entirely blessed.
Tonite was gospel night, and to be honest, a range of emotions were going through my head. Stemming from a rad conversation with one such S. Gullick this morning, I continued to question and wonder my role in tonite as a whole. "Gospel night" is always hard for me to swallow; having been around camps so much, the last thing I want is for my own heart to be stale, reciting rote information of Christ's death and resurrection, while kids respond to a mere emotional, once-a-year "serious night" appeal.
Today at Lulu's, I felt like I knew what the Lord had put on my heart to speak about....and good time talking to my Jesus was had...and I was feeling prepared.... We had a phenomenal Q & A time beforehand, and then it was time for the night as a whole. And it was weird because my talk came and went, and I remember just feeling like I didn't "have" the kids...I felt like it just wasn't working on my end, like I was stumbling over my words...then Clippy came on to give his testimony, and in complete Wild Oak style, it was a package deal. It made sense. Every word that came out of his mouth was exactly what needed to be said to complete and fill in the gaps that hadn't happened five minutes prior...right afterwards the kids just sat in silence for awhile, some on the field and some in the campfire pit. B played a bit, then I spoke a little more and felt like I finally CAME ALIVE....we read part of Romans 8, and I then saw that it was a beautiful night, even though it didn't turn out or end up looking like I thought it would.
I want to be so attentive to what's supposed to happen with Jesus and these kids...I know that it's easy for my own confidence and insecurities to be attacked...I own it's easy for me to get caught up in simply being liked and wanting to hear, "you're such a good speaker!" I don't want these talks, these relationships, this LIFE to be about ME....I want it to be about Jesus, but I sure have a hard time getting there.
Tomorrow is sleep in morning, then we go to hang out at the beach all day...really, life doesn't get much better...or more unpredictable...or more laid-back and hang out than this...