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Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Why I'm NOT jesus...some thoughts on a road trip

This past weekend my trusty Jetta sidekick, Raul, and I traveled down the 101 to LA together. Thinking that I'd make perfect time if I left Santa Cruz around 10:30, off I went...and promptly hit LA traffic in Santa Barbara around 3:30. Ouch. I finally arrived in Long Beach at Cheyanne's place around 7:30 that night. Oops. Ouch. Despite LA traffic, the smog, the busyness of it all, and did I mention LA traffic (?), it was awesome seeing Chey and Emy. They are faves and definitely worth it. With that, I had ample thinking/processing/alone/"me" time in the 15 1/2 hours to and from SC. In the midst of traffic (key theme?) and life, here are some reasons why I'm so NOT Jesus:

*Jesus would have patience in LA traffic. Cara doesn't. Didn't.
*Jesus, though he can be a little racey sometimes (har har), wouldn't speed in traffic. Cara, on the other hand, liked that feeling the accelerator pedal gave her; simultaneously her heart would start pounding really fast, and she would start thinking, WOW (!), I'm almost an LA driver!
*Jesus would at least spend a FEW minutes talking to his dad during his 15 1/2 hours of solitude time. Wouldn't he? Don'tcha think? Ouch...
*Jesus wouldn't look at his reflection in the mirror every two minutes, admiring his cool new flea market sunglasses. Cara apparently can't help but check herself out. Who IS that girl in those fake Chanels?
*Jesus wouldn't have double standards. Cara would. She'd not let Chey's roommate keep the new pink sparkle pen she was grading papers with, but she'd (in front of the girl, no doubt!) offer to let Cheyanne keep her new Princess Bride DVD forever, if she'd like. Realization would hit in the elevator. Denial would soon step in: but the girl didn't even ask to borrow it! She probably wouldn't have even given it back if I hadn't not-so-slyly asked her! But she's wasting all the sparkles! It's a PEN, people! Why, why, why the double standard?

Sometimes I really can't stand Christian books. Though I can be entirely guilty of it myself when I speak at camp, I don't like the persuasive platform of some books. I dislike that an author can choose to lead you in whatever direction he or she wants to take you, with the scripture, 23-easy-to-follow-steps and the fun stories to back it up. But this book I've been reading is different...it's a nugget of truth and of my own heart. The name of the summer book of choice: Searching for God Knows What. I love it. I love that Donald Miller is challenging me to get rid of the boxes of Christianity, the lists and formulas and equations, the "to-do's" and "not-to-do's", and everything that I so easily make my faith out to be, the traps I so easily fall into. It's not about making moral choices because I'm supposed to, because that's what I grew up thinking: Christianity is about being good and moral. But no! One's faith is instead about relationships. It's about Jesus. it's about letting go of everything I think I'm supposed to be and also what and who the world thinks I'm supposed to be.

I'd much rather say I love Jesus and that Jesus loves me and sing a little song about it than say that I'm a Christian. Sometimes it's easy for me to blurt it out (when I'm around people who share the same beliefs), but frankly, I don't like the associations and assumptions that others put on me when they hear that I'm one of "them." I don't want people to assume that I believe the same things politically, environmentally and so on....and yet, none of that matters. It's not about ME. The truth of it is, I do want to be set apart, different. I want people to say wow, there's something different about her, even if we never say a word.

My thoughts at 12:49 am...I told you, I'm a summer snob who can stay up as late as she wants. Today is apparently cara-likes-to-write-in-3rd-person day. Thanks for reading. Your thoughts? Comments? The flea market sunglasses: yay or nay? :)

5 comments:

Jenn said...

Okay..so first off...I love reading your writing. It captivates me. Second, keep the glasses. Tina and I bought $2 sunglasses in Ocean Shores and can't put them down. A girl can never have enough cheap glasses.

Mike said...

mrs. mac,

so glad to know you feel some of what i was putting down the other night with the cigars and the cloves and the beer and the firworks and the amazing JC (jenn cope).

oh, and heck yeah it is a good book.

can i have it back?

caramac said...

Dutcher....I too love cheap sunglasses, as long as they don't hurt my head too much.

Murrow....why you tryin' to steal my books, fool? Okay, just kidding; I loved your suspenders today, and indeed, we do have the same heart on certain things! Good job last night. :)

Mike said...

ok, so for everyone out there, i don't wear suspenders. i am a carpenter and my tool belt has a harness, not suspenders.

mmm

hey, i still want my book back, you knows i lent it to ya

)(( hannah mello ))( said...

unbelievable. cara. yep. unbelivable.