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Monday, August 08, 2005

a hard good day

In the wise words of Holly Fail last night: "Every day's a good day; some are just hard good days." The past two days have been hard good days. I finished speaking at Frontier Ranch Friday night, then gave a little send-off Saturday morning. Said good-bye to FR (classic was to Chris/Chops: "I don't want to say good-bye to you!", so he just walks away. Oops. I had to explain that I was just prolonging the inevitable, not not wanting to say good-bye)...went out to bagels with Amanda, Jer and Care, Lola and Jojo...finished packing up my room and the car...drank lemonade while next door neighbor Daniel figured out how to make my NEW EBAY BIKE RACK WORK (!), and then drove out of 210 Weible Drive with tears streaming down my face. WHY is it so hard to leave? Why am I doing this? Why am I having such a hard time with it? I thought by now that I'd be like wa-hoo, take me to Seattle, baby, to do Young Life and love kids and serve Jesus FOREVER....and even though I catch glimpses of the good, I feel more confused than ever as to what the hell I'm even doing and why I'm even leaving.

So it was a hard good day. But there were funnies to it: Amanda Susanne Nelson. Losing an entire bike tire on the freeway (not just the wheel...wait, is it the other way around? Regardless, I probably caused an 18 car pile-up on the 680 due to the need to speed my beach cruiser in Auburn). Amanda's total remorse over her roadkill squirrel yesterday. Receiving a two-minute flip-off while talking to Hollie W. somewhere near Shasta. Holly Ann last night. Making my parents follow me while doing 80. Hee hee. Seeing The Wedding Crashers tonite with some cute new roomies. Walking around Greenlake. Talking to the Anna's and the Aaron's and the Joshy's up here whom I can't wait to see.

And I go to the YL office tomorrow around, mmm, 9ish, 10ish, to begin my new life. That will be good. It might be another hard good day - and there will be many more hard good days - but in more wise words of wisdom (this time from C. Gothie): "no decision is ever a bad decision...no time is ever wasted...the Lord's going to USE each and every place and opportunity." And if that means serving and growing in WA for a couple of YEARS or a couple of DECADES, it's going to be good. Hard good days are good to have. They just suck in the moment. Bear with me. Thanks friends. c.

9 comments:

Brenda Joy said...

Welcome to Seattle Cara!!! Cannot wait to have a proper welcoming BBQ for you :-) I'm praying for ya, I hope your first day goes well!!

Brenda Joy said...

PS -- 39 days til you get to wow every one with your Ushering abilities heheehe *wink*

Jennifer Davis said...

Friend, I totally love you, and am praying for you! Having moved 14 times in my 26 years (yeah, go Navy!), I know how much it can suck, but also how much God can totally use it to bless you! He has equipped you for this newest calling in your life... you're gonna be AWESOME! Mucho prayers, mi amiga.

Dones said...

The only thing harder than saying goodbye to Frontier Ranch, I think, is thinking about how long it's been since the last time you said goodbye to FR. For me, it's been 7 years. It could have been a thousand years by the way everything in my life has changed since then; it could have been yesterday the way I mourn for my time there and the people with whom I shared that time and place. I got Google Earth this weekend and went to FR right after I found my house in Lawrence. I spent some time marveling at how far away I am. Then I visit your blog today and am reminded of Holly Fail for the first time in a long time. And now I have "A Million Parachutes" by Sixpence running through my head: "I miss the warmth, and I miss the sun. I miss the ocean. I miss everyone...tonight it seems like ages ago." I thank God for the time I was there, and look forward to seeing everyone again--eventually.

Gibbytron said...

CARA!! Glad you made it safe and sound! Hmmm, maybe I'll just take apart and ship my bike for now... Miss your snort already!!

Thegoodz said...

Cara-
I missesd the good bye/send off...and I also lost in Poker tonight, am I good for anything? Know you're loved. Give Danny a big hug, and blow a kiss at the space needle..
sg

Dan said...

Oh God..... Please come back. Turn around the car and head south. What is VFC going to be like now? it is all over....all over now....

caramac said...

b-joy...thanks for your enthusiasm...it spurs me on. Loved the pics of Zeke. He's the hottest mastiff I know. :)

Jenn...you are my cheerleader...thank you, more than you know!

DP are you with me...no way...good hearing from you. Leaving four years in SC (and FR) was hard. But god is good. I just looked at your blog - are you married now?!

Bennett- be on the lookout for that tire. snort snort to you.

SG- you are good for soooo much...as soon as I get that big fat care package in the mail along with a road trip to see me and d-lund. Okay fine - GRACE to you.

Dan- don't tempt me. No, tempt me so I'll come back someday. ps: I betcha Josh will snort for you.

Dones said...

Oh, I'm married, alright. Mrs. Pepper and I are celebrating 4 years, 7 months, 9 days of marriage. The only reason I know this without much effort is that my brother got married on Saturday and everyone was asking me how long it had been since my wedding...

Have fun in Seattle, and I'll cya later!