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Monday, September 12, 2005

i'm a princess




"Princess" was always my dad's nickname for me...yes, though I swear I'm not that high-maitenance. Well, to make a long story short, I headed down to Santa Cruz for Scott and Shelley's wedding. Wow. It (the wedding) was beautiful, amazing...and beautiful, amazing were dear ones Mr. and Mrs. Pimental, especially his Michael Jackson-like skills on the dance floor. Excellent conversations were had with "date" Laurel on the drive to and from Monterey, and then at the wedding itself. I got to play catch-up with a hot group of table dates that included the Kimball's, the Nell's, Kristin and Justin, Susie M, and Laurel (and also the Cabanillas', the McWilliams' and the Glovers' at another table). Among a highlight was talking with Dan about the church; I admire his intellectual pursuit and passionate depth of and for Jesus. It spurs me on and excites my heart. And I call him my friend and that makes my heart happy. In talking about different denominations, women in ministry and the "viz" of post-modern churches (Vintage included), I continued to be encouraged that the Lord knows my heart and he knows exactly what I need, right now and 10 years down the road. As well, I was like OH...I'm home...but that's where an even bigger ellipses comes in because I'm not home - I'm just visiting.

So after seeing such fine folks as Amy and Kaylin, the beautiful roommates, Angela, SEP and Robbie, Carrie and Jerry, Brian and Mary (and Hillside Cov!), Josh and Danielle, BIANCA, COPEY, Holly Ann again, some Mission Springers' and some OSSers' (and am I forgetting anyone ?!), my heart felt FILLED. It wasn't until Copey and I started driving over 17 that I felt it coming on again...and my heart continued to hurt...it continued to NOT understand why I can't be there when that's the community and the people whom I love. I don't understand how or why I've become an "emotional being" since finding my heart in the last 6 months, but I'm glad I've found the freedom to just let my heart FEEL, even if I'm not able to portray this happy Cara that I think I should be being all the time. Mmm.

The princess part: I got back to my house...back to the Hobbit Hole. :) After another hard sad bout with Anna, she and I headed over to Brenda's to eat Thai food, watch CRASH (wow!), and put together programs for their wedding weekend. Upon getting lost twice on the way home, roommate Jen finally called at 10:40 to see where I was. Lost, of course. Well, I get home and the roommates (and quasi roommate, Ryan), are all sitting in the front room waiting for me. Seated in the place of honor, I experienced pure WARMTH as they handed me a bag filled with "we love you...you're home...feel better" goodies. I pulled out a fabulous thick pink boa...a PRINCESS crown...a stuffed dog that comes in its own carrying purse (think: Legally Blonde meets your new Middle School area director in Auburn:)...boa pens...candles...and knitting sticks for each one of us, with yarn. I was blessed. I knew at that moment that that was exactly where I was supposed to be.

And I went to bed happy that indeed, as people have prayed for me for, that I would continue to see those little glimpses of Jesus' grace even in the midst of not understanding all the how's and why's of transition. I'm learning out to take baby steps. I'm not looking at this with years ahead but simply with days and months, and in the mean time, I'm a princess, wearing the pink boa as we speak. :)

9 comments:

Mike said...

you were here... then you weren't...
we missed one another...

and it was the worse for me...


bummer.

Gibbytron said...

pictures! i want pictures princess! :)

Dan said...

Oh, it made my heart happy talking with you as well - and knowing you are a friend. The wedding was very, very nice, but our conversation was a highlight of it. Also, you can't meet someone who will cause me to lose my title - please... for the love of God, I need to always retain my title.

Jenn said...

Trust and Pursue on my friend. How beautiful you must be as a princess! We must get together and share stories and laughs. I have wedding updates. I love to see Jesus working in your life!

caramac said...

fletchie-
Indeed, I am sad, but SC is not out of my heart yet. I'll be back.
Bennett-
to be posted soon. For sure. :)
Dan-
You are the man. No title lossage yet.
Jenn-
WEDDING UPDATES?! Hello, phone call! The blog does not do it justice!!!

jimz said...

caramac - appreciate how you feel. god dumped me in kelowna and i'm just starting to appreciate it now. 11 months & 3 trips to ontario later (#4 is in october!). nothing better than knowing you're where you're supposed to be, though.

caramac said...

first, ha ha, dutcher...I thought you were my other friend jenn with two "n"'s who's not officially engaged yet. i was about to rage against the machine.
JIMZ- I appreciate your honesty and perspective...I now feel the freedom to visit SC every quarter, which could be very good to my heart. :)

aleahmac said...

so caramacky my dear sister girlie, do i know how you feel just about more than anyone at the moment? we know already thats a yes. hang in there oh snorty one, you will adapt, overcome, kick bootie while your at it, and hold SC in your ticker of a heart till the end of time. its not gone..just a tad farther away. kapish?? AIR HUG ITALIAN STYLE (not sure what that one is...i don't think people hug to much over here...but they definately kiss alot!)
caioooooooo bella... :)smile smile smile....oh red one

caramac said...

Lele-
we are all in transition and sometimes it sucks, but then I'm just like SHUT UP, CARA, this is RAD! You are BLESSED and when I'm in the moment up here I'm (somewhat) good to go. can't wait to see you in Italy sometime in the next, oh, three years. xoxo, sis