What a fool I am. How grateful I am for those people in my life who are willing to stand up to my own stubbornness and preconceived notions. The funny thing about being human is that we think we're so right. All the time. We think we've got it figured out, yet the more we start buying into that idea, the more we start to lose the battle.
I thought I had my friend figured out. I had him pegged. I knew his type, and his type had hurt me in the past, so I didn't want to even let myself "go there." Who wants to even consider giving their heart to someone, when it's just going to be stomped on like every other girl in his path? "O Heart!..." Emily Dickinson wrote, speaking to her insides... So I wrote him off. And three months later I started to see a completely different side to him. I started to see that who I had judged him, labeled him, and made him out to be, were not his true identity.
And today we spent some time together. We laughed. Hard. We sang. Loud. We talked. Surface and deep and feelings and football. And we were just friends who truly saw each other for who we were and not for who we had made each other out to be. (Although I suppose I don't know his point of view in the midst of my own reflections...).
And I was reminded of the little mini book that more-than-rocked my world this past fall: The Way to Love by Anthony Demello. Demello writes that there are two blocks to sensitivity: Belief and Attachment. "...as soon as you have a belief you have come to a conclusion about a person or situation or thing. You have now become fixed and have dropped your sensitivity. You are prejudice and will see the person from the eye of that prejudice. ... Take just one or two of your acquaintances and list the many positive or negative conclusions you have arrived at and on the basis of which you relate to him/her. The moment you say so-and-so is wise or is cruel or defensive or loving or whatever, you have hardended your perception and become prejudiced and ceased to perceive this person moment by moment...."
So I'm working on perceiving people, especially, moment by moment. I suppose it's part of the process of growing up, that as we grow up, we grow out of our shell of self. We start to put the needs of self on the back burner and look to putting others before ourselves.
Yeah. My mind is swimming, but it's a good kind of swimming. I'm doing the 500 but I'm only half way through, so I just have to keep doing the flip turns and kicking hard. Kick on.