Monday, May 22, 2006
All right, so a little bit of background, and then the present day: summer of 2001...I'm doing program with Mr. Kurt Kroon at Frontier Ranch. For those of you who know "Woofy," he really is one of my top five funniest people in America. The man is frickin' hilarious...and there were - count 'em - three incidents of the "wet rainbow club" that summer. Two partials and one full... Now what is the wet rainbow club, you might ask? Well, it's peeing your pants, because it produces this little "rainbow" over your seat. Indeed, I've never laughed so hard, and will FOREVER remember the three incidents that led to a dependance on Depends (or the washer...whichever came first).
Fast forward to Friday night. Again, junior highers were involved, although this time Kurt was NOT present...we decided to do a little camp fundraiser, and have kids eat goldfish for 50 bucks off camp. Now, I'm not an idiot when it comes to the parents of middle school kids, and seeing that it's my first year at the school as well, I'd like to try and keep the relationships as unsevered as possible.
Four goldfish sit in a bowl up front. I call up Christy, one of our stellar leaders, who with the help of a Capri Sun gulps down the little 13 cent bugger. Props to Christy, that's for sure. Kids are screaming at this point, wanting to come up and eat the remaining fish. So Mandy, Jessica and Jacob are called up to the front, and "in order to help speed the digestive track," I blindfold them. God bless the gullibility. (is that a word?).
The fish are left to the side, and a container of drippy orange insides sitting in water is instead pulled out. Dribbling the orange guts over the kids' faces, they're CONVULSING, gagging, and not knowing how to conquer this mental block of eating a "goldfish." Finally it gets to Jacob and this is where the wet rainbow club is resurrected: ample amounts of "goldfish" juice is dribbled on his face, and he starts gagging before the thing reaches his mouth. I drop it in, and he heaves to the left and to the right, forwards and backwards, gags again, and finally spits it back out into his hand, where I quickly remove it before he quickly removes his blindfold. He's screaming that it's the nastiest thing he's ever tasted, spitting to and fro towards the audience and all of us are just rolling.
And there, underneath the mumu I had donned for our SUMMER PARTY theme, the wet rainbow appeared, thankfully oblivious to the audience.
What we do so that kids might meet Christ.
A few minutes later, I told the miraculous story of how the goldfish reproduced into three more goldfish so now they got to take them home. More screams! More excitement!
The night was only topped by leader Nathan using Star Wars clips to talk about God, and then speaking "Yoda" as the voice of God. Try it sometime. It was incredible.
Friends, thank you for allowing this partial pee to happen. Amen.