living. loving. laughing.

living.  loving.  laughing.

Monday, October 30, 2006


Friends, I'd like you to meet.........MR. DARCY............

Friday, October 27, 2006

zach and patrick

Zach Morris, old cell phone...

Meet Dr. McDreamy, aka: Patrick, your replacement.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

a check check ... and then some more

Can we check another one off the 30 before 30 list....Grace and I are going to be puppy-mommies, as our friend Rachel said....we found a dog. Hee hee. He's a border collie, and he's going to be part of the fam early next week. A puppy. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! What am I doing?! Name applications are being accepted now (and a picture will be posted as soon as I figure out how to download it off of the cell phone...).


On another note, the past 36 hours have been the highest of highs and the lowest of lows; loneliness came to an abrupt climax yesterday and continued to last throughout the day. My heart broke - over and over and over again - like it's never broken before. And I didn't understand...and I won't understand, and that's okay. What I have come to understand is that this is the particular season that I'm in, though the fog seems dense and thick right now, is not going to be like this forever. And there isn't a perfect explanation that I can give someone as to what I'm feeling, and there isn't a perfect solution from other people as to what they can give me.

this is my season, my particular season...

But there's a "but" that happened today, and today I saw evidences of that void, that gap filled. Today I saw His grace morning, noon and night. Today I caught glimpses of that grace like droplets of rain falling from the sky on my tongue, and so that is where my heart continues to lay: may my eyes be open to seeing what He has placed in front of me, even if it isn't ideal and doesn't always make sense and looks a little more foggy than clear.

It's a weird, unexplainable time in life right now, yet I'm learning that to be vulnerable, to let myself be broken, to tell others of my needs - and to let myself have needs! - is of the utmost importance. And I even find myself wanting to bust out with the LIVING, LOVING, LAUGHING part of life right now....but this right here, right now, at a 12:04 am time of reflection is where I'm at. I'm discovering and uncovering a side of myself that I don't even think I've let myself see before, and I can only describe it as WEIRD...

Friday, October 20, 2006

okay, fine....

I do love the various questions of, sooooooooooo, did you get the dog? Well, the bright-side answer is that the cute little girl dog liked me. Let's just say she knew who to wag her tail at...but the sad answer as of this point is that the "six week old" puppy (which is questionable at best) was the size of a baby horse. So, knowing that a baby soon grows into an adult, we decided to just say no to the dog who could be a good 100 pounds someday.

As for speaking, I'm at the Pacific Bay Coffee Shop in Walnut Creek, CA right now....blessed be the name. : )

And as for the MAC, I love the new MacBook! Shown here are some fun with photo booth pics: the first is an inquisitive Cara on the airplane today (pencil sketched), and the second is Mel, me and danny last night. Apple, I heart you.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

a dog, a mac and a talk.

A dog: I go to look at a puppy tomorrow night...he's half lab, half beagle. Moore's, could this be Buster's long-lost mutty cousin?

A MAC: The Millers will shoot me, but I've found my heart in a MacBook laptop that's soon coming in the mail...and at that point, these blogs might just become more regular (and with pics again!).

A Talk: I'm speaking this weekend at a retreat down in the greater Bay Area with/for middle school kids. I'm stoked, though my heart is going through a wide range of emotions; the "talks" are on two DEAR subjects of the heart: Community and Love. My first reaction was WHAT ARE YOU FRICKIN DOING TO ME, LORD?! Second thought: Oh crap....this is going to do a work on my heart. And it has. Community (the group's overall theme), and Love (the 1 Corinthian passage I happen to land on) are THE two subjects I am most passionate about, but they've stirred up the deep dark portals of the heart. I want to be all about loving Jesus and loving people...and I desire it more than anything...and that's why it sucks (to put it blatantly) to be without it much of the time. Loneliness has never been a word in my vocabulary, so to experience it brings about a whole new range of emotions.

BUT - PLEASE can we have a "but"-like conjunction in this sentence?! - are we NOT the strongest when we're weakest? Because this is such an area of passion for me, am I not going to bring to the table that which someone else (who hasn't experienced the "best of times...and the worst of times..." in community) wouldn't be able to touch on? It's hit me, and it's made me question the WHYs of every equation known to man, but it's also made me VALUE and CHERISH even more deeply that which is right in front of me. It's a season. And a season is not forever. So what am I doing right here, right now, to change - and to ACCEPT - the clouded, gloomy view?

Yes. Dogs. A Mac. And a talk. Whew.

Monday, October 09, 2006

I loved this yesterday AM...

O God, immortal, eternal, invisible, I remember with gladness and thanksgiving all that thou hast been to this world of men (er...peeps):

Companion of the brave:
Upholder of the loyal:
Light of the wanderer:
Joy of the pilgrim:
Guide of the pioneer:
Helper of labouring men:
Refuge of the broken-hearted:
Deliverer of the oppressed:
Succour of the tempted:
Strength of the victorious:
Ruler of rulers:
Friend of the poor:
Rescuer of the perishing:
Hope of the dying.

I think it's really interesting that there's a colon following each line; if a colon presents something, then each of the lines present the next signifying name of God. Yes, and it's beautiful....

Friday, October 06, 2006

the excuse...

My home laptop (which is nameless, unlike Zach Morris the phone and Raul the Jetta...) has officially died. A graveside service will be held in the upcoming future, and all of you can pay your respects to the many pictures and documents I'd still like to someday retrieve. Laptop - you've served me well! It's been a good three and a half years...

In the meantime, blog posts haven't happened as much... If anyone knows a steal of a deal on MACs (caramac needs an i-mac...let's just be honest here), please let me know. Also, if you know how I can score a free thousand dollars without robbing the local bank (ooh- but what if I told them about Jesus? Ahh, Christian rationalization), holla at me, yo.

Tonite is our first Wyldlife. Yippee! I will share the story of MFC - my first cavity - and somehow relate it to what Wyldlife is, and why Wyldlife leaders do what they do... Tonite some kids may realize that my "job" is more than just passing out forks in the cafeteria. Forkalicious! Hey fork-a-rana!

I started my first semester-long seminary class last night: Biblical Interpretation, and was stoked to see that all the homework assignments had to do with finding the verbs, pronouns, articles and antecedents of the sentences! Teaching English dun me good!

That's it. Prayers. Peace. Blessings, c:)