living. loving. laughing.

living.  loving.  laughing.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

a check check ... and then some more

Can we check another one off the 30 before 30 list....Grace and I are going to be puppy-mommies, as our friend Rachel said....we found a dog. Hee hee. He's a border collie, and he's going to be part of the fam early next week. A puppy. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! What am I doing?! Name applications are being accepted now (and a picture will be posted as soon as I figure out how to download it off of the cell phone...).

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On another note, the past 36 hours have been the highest of highs and the lowest of lows; loneliness came to an abrupt climax yesterday and continued to last throughout the day. My heart broke - over and over and over again - like it's never broken before. And I didn't understand...and I won't understand, and that's okay. What I have come to understand is that this is the particular season that I'm in, though the fog seems dense and thick right now, is not going to be like this forever. And there isn't a perfect explanation that I can give someone as to what I'm feeling, and there isn't a perfect solution from other people as to what they can give me.

this is my season, my particular season...

But there's a "but" that happened today, and today I saw evidences of that void, that gap filled. Today I saw His grace morning, noon and night. Today I caught glimpses of that grace like droplets of rain falling from the sky on my tongue, and so that is where my heart continues to lay: may my eyes be open to seeing what He has placed in front of me, even if it isn't ideal and doesn't always make sense and looks a little more foggy than clear.

It's a weird, unexplainable time in life right now, yet I'm learning that to be vulnerable, to let myself be broken, to tell others of my needs - and to let myself have needs! - is of the utmost importance. And I even find myself wanting to bust out with the LIVING, LOVING, LAUGHING part of life right now....but this right here, right now, at a 12:04 am time of reflection is where I'm at. I'm discovering and uncovering a side of myself that I don't even think I've let myself see before, and I can only describe it as WEIRD...

1 comments:

millhowz said...

A puppy! Congrats, maybe he (or is it a she?) can be friends with Zeke! and ya know, you won't have to take name applications if you haven't used them all on your Cars phones and other various appliances! Love ya, when will we see ya again?