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Monday, March 12, 2007

that which is engrained within us....

It's 11:36. I don't know why I feel like I need to state the time whenever it's an "after hours" post, but I do. :) I'm finishing my final paper for the intensive class back in January...last week I went to the good ole PLU library to do some research. I went in thinking I'd do my paper on the Theology of GODPARENTS, but whelp, that lasted about an hour. With nothing in hand, I then stumbled across a line in the index: DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL. Yup. That was it, right then and there. Get 'er done.

So here I sit, with a 10 page paper due to the post office by 5 pm tomorrow...and I'm close to done, at page 14. Yes. I'm on page 14, and I think I still have a good 2 more pages to add in. I titled this post, "that which is engrained within us...", and I'll admit, there is an overachieving cara not-so deep down inside. I'd like to blame it on being the oldest child, on the environment in which I was raised....yada, yada, yada...and I'm not going to make apologies for it because I know that overachieving exists more for my own self-satisfaction than - really - the satisfaction of others.

So, in whatever hidden engrained area within us, WHY do we continue to fall back upon it? Why can't I just half-ass this paper? But I can't...the little voice inside me WON'T let me. And really, I'm loving this paper - I love learning, I love writing, I love piecing it all together - and in that way, I'll sacrifice what should have been bed-time an hour ago for the satisfaction that is only mine.


In the meantime, here's the paper:

CHURCH: St. John of the Cross (originator of DARK NIGHT...), "Lo, How a Rose Ere Blooming," and a pieta, the artwork of the grieving Mary.
TRADITION: Depression and then poet/author DH Lawrence
SCRIPTURE: Peter at the Cross, Jesus at the Cross, and psalmists/OT writings.
CULTURE: David Wilcox's "If it wasn't for the Night," and Tim Hughes' "When the Tears Fall"
APPLICATION/EXPERIENCE: me. This past October. ...and how I might be able to love my leaders and kids who are going through this same kind of spiritual depression.

WHEW.

We're almost done. See - there's SO much to write about! I'm feeling so limited as we speak! Can I just write a book?

2 comments:

Jenderr said...

Cara, sounds like a neat paper... would you be willing to let me read it sometime? It's cool if you say no ... i totally understand. That topic really interested me after I read the Dark Night of the Soul book last Feb. Well anyway, I hope it turns out well. Take care friend, miss ya.

Anonymous said...

Each one of us has to feel this darkness to contrast God's true light in our soul. Thanks for sharing, Princess. When we saw Passion of the Christ, I felt the film through Mary's heart as it was the weekend after Jared's service. Blessings....