It's 11:36. I don't know why I feel like I need to state the time whenever it's an "after hours" post, but I do. :) I'm finishing my final paper for the intensive class back in January...last week I went to the good ole PLU library to do some research. I went in thinking I'd do my paper on the Theology of GODPARENTS, but whelp, that lasted about an hour. With nothing in hand, I then stumbled across a line in the index: DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL. Yup. That was it, right then and there. Get 'er done.
So here I sit, with a 10 page paper due to the post office by 5 pm tomorrow...and I'm close to done, at page 14. Yes. I'm on page 14, and I think I still have a good 2 more pages to add in. I titled this post, "that which is engrained within us...", and I'll admit, there is an overachieving cara not-so deep down inside. I'd like to blame it on being the oldest child, on the environment in which I was raised....yada, yada, yada...and I'm not going to make apologies for it because I know that overachieving exists more for my own self-satisfaction than - really - the satisfaction of others.
So, in whatever hidden engrained area within us, WHY do we continue to fall back upon it? Why can't I just half-ass this paper? But I can't...the little voice inside me WON'T let me. And really, I'm loving this paper - I love learning, I love writing, I love piecing it all together - and in that way, I'll sacrifice what should have been bed-time an hour ago for the satisfaction that is only mine.
In the meantime, here's the paper:
CHURCH: St. John of the Cross (originator of DARK NIGHT...), "Lo, How a Rose Ere Blooming," and a pieta, the artwork of the grieving Mary.
TRADITION: Depression and then poet/author DH Lawrence
SCRIPTURE: Peter at the Cross, Jesus at the Cross, and psalmists/OT writings.
CULTURE: David Wilcox's "If it wasn't for the Night," and Tim Hughes' "When the Tears Fall"
APPLICATION/EXPERIENCE: me. This past October. ...and how I might be able to love my leaders and kids who are going through this same kind of spiritual depression.
We're almost done. See - there's SO much to write about! I'm feeling so limited as we speak! Can I just write a book?