On friday and saturday a bunch of us gathered together to celebrate aaron and annie's* wedding. i was honored to plunk on the piano keys for the wedding...to march annie down the aisle (well, via the grand)...to have the piano sit on the side that looked into aaron's face...and to then play and be in sync with bethany, his sister who sang a breath-STOPPING italian aria and the Lord's Prayer. ...i think i now love opera, by the way.
and on my way there i realized how PARALYZING fear is for me...like it stops me. it stops my fingers from playing and clams them up and makes me lose my place, and really, no matter how damn easy the sheet music is, when my heart is beating like a big, bad drum, fear physically takes over. So on my way there on saturday, in my polka dot brown dress ( :: hot :: ), I just started to talking to jesus about how silly this whole fear thing is, because really, that's what it is: silliness. I KNOW the music...and it's only when over-thinking creates these stories of silly in my mind that I start shakin' in my boots (or in my Nina heels, to be so shoe-correct). And I think that sometimes when you realize the silliness it just makes you giggle, and giggling then eases the pain that fear falsely paints, and then playing a little recessional is really no big deal.
So in realizing fear...maybe like our friends in AA, that's the first step. And I want to get out of this paralysis, but sometimes my little wheelchair of a comfort level has just been used for so long that I really don't know any other way. Without taking this analogy any further than it's already gone, your thoughts on getting up and RUNNING?!
*aaron and annie: they're maybe the nicest people in america. aaron's been a buddy since the 6th grade when we were safety town instructors ["red means stop...green means go...yellow means wait, even if you're late!" wha, wha, whaaaa]. i think one of my FAVORITE aaron memories is when, with his family, we crashed miss america's wedding one summer... though i've tried to set aaron up with all of my RNFs (really nice friends), he finally found his catch, his lady, his annie....and she is SO good for him! And she's really, really cool, and we've started adding to our repetoire red wine and boys talks - so with both of these lovelies, I wish them the very best. and way to drive off from the wedding in a fire truck. that's uber cool in my book.