living. loving. laughing.

living.  loving.  laughing.

Monday, November 19, 2007

fear. intimidation.

I don't think that confidence is a mask I wear - although sometimes my lack of confidence and the little nagging voices in my head seem and start to eat away at that which stays. So there remains this part of me that's sometimes big and sometimes little, but that doesn't all the way believe in who she is. And it pops up in different areas of my life - tonite I saw it with some high school kids around a campfire, because I realized that they didn't know and understand who I was yet, so my reaction was to apologize for this "kindof weird girl." Yet I know that the "kindof weird girl" who's wholly herself is the charismatic person people are attracted to...but I couldn't grasp that and hold onto it tonite.

Tonite, like the high school persona emphasis on Grey's Anatomy last week, I just wanted to crawl into my chamelion self and be who these kids would -supposedly- like me to be. Who they'd be a fan of. Who wouldn't be too weird or too loud or too ... the list goes on ["too" tends to be a plague of women]. So as my insides seem to feel on a roller coaster of emotions, I just want to "get" them and understand my own heart in the midst of it. And like a talk that I'd give to my middle school friends about identity, I want my identity to not be in WHO I am, but in WHOSE I am.

Because the truth is that I love Jesus.

And I want what He thinks of me to be more important than what THEY think of me.

So why do I still get so caught up in it?

Thursday, November 15, 2007

never meant to make your mother cry

sorry miss jackson...I have a nephew: he is for REALLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Yup. There are no apologies to be made for Jared Christopher MacDonald, whom I met this last week. And ps: how much do you love that HE'S SUPER?! Cape included.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

oh, facebook

I say that I have facebook for my YL kids...but really, most of them are on myspace (so I then also "have myspace for my YL kids"). Well, regardless, this is why - for example - I love facebook*:

"Rachel Orrico and Danny Lund are married.

Rachel and Danny

Rachel Orrico and Danny Lund made a lifetime commitment to one another, and let everyone on Facebook know."

*note the sarcasm.

But I still actually secretly really, really like facebook. And I, of course, love the LUNDS (ie: danny and rachel), even in the midst of using them for this pointless example.

One more day of vacay...o hawaii, o little nephew, o family, o scrapbooking, o Paul Potts and your VOICE, o sunshine and reading and runs with the baby stroller and new friend who takes me out on hot I love thee! (bow, bow - thanks - I do what I can with the odes).

Thursday, November 01, 2007

just some random things

1. this morning when MD and I went for a walk, I heard this crash in the tree overhead of us: oh no, is it a breaking branch as a result of the earthquake? Has the limb finally given way? No, it was a squirrel losing its footing, falling from the tree. I have never seen such a varment - literally - fall out of a tree, but today I did.

2. sometimes I like to think that the vanilla gelato I put into my hot chocolate, when in contact with the hot liquid becomes invisible liquid itself, is therefore then fat free. It totally makes sense to me.

3. My family is ridiculous ... -ly amazing. :) (see picture of the Wizard of Oz crew :: Dorothy/Melissa, the cowardly lion/Jared, and the tin man/Brandon). Wow.