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Sunday, April 04, 2010

plus one - they're not just a bad band from 10 years ago

Back to the list of "do's" and "don'ts" when it comes to a wedding: James was adamant about NOT allowing any "plus one's." I'm like, I hear you - I mean, it really doesn't get any better than insync and backstreet boys, so why try and "christ-i-fy" it by playing music from a horrible Christian boy band? James looked at me. Oh no you didn't.

Plus One: your guest when you are invited to an event. "billy's gonna be my plus-one at jane's party." (urban dictionary, I love you).

Now here's the hard thing: I've been a plus one. I've been a "hecks yes, I deserve an invite to your wedding! I'm coming whether you like it or not!" (Camo, can I be your date please?) I've been that college kid who didn't get an invite to a wedding, but thought I had the "right" to be there because we'd had five or six conversations in our lifetime.

Oh no I didn't! but i did.

So without even bringing up the (very hard task of the!) guest list itself, how does one nicely communicate "no plus ones"? Is plus one inevitable, kind of like requesting absolutely NO kenny g at a wedding and then hearing his saxophone romantically brush the DJ airwaves? (Bennett, you'd better not!) ....or should I take these potential plus one wedding crashers as a compliment of sorts?


Ben said...

Space constraints meant we couldn't have kids at our wedding reception. Could use that as an excuse?

brittany said...

we did the whole no plus one thing...and got lots of fun phone calls from friends telling (not asking) that they were bringing someone. my fav was a friend who said he was bringing a girl he had gone on a couple dates with. our wedding was SUPER small and intimate, we both knew everyone we finally come to terms and say yes, he can bring this girl that is flying from UTAH to come to our wedding. guess who was a no show? yup. love it. $100 for her dinner down the drain.

nick and carina said...

Oh my gosh I totally did that in college - just went to someone's wedding because I kinda knew them and a friend was invited...ashamed to say. Yowsas.

Anyway, you do what you gotta do. My sister is getting married this summer too and we just keep emphasizing that it's a "small, intimate gathering". Hopefully people get the hint :)

Love you!

Jason and Jenn said...

How about "minus 2"? ;)
Keep emphasizing it is a gathering of your close friends and family. OR, put someone (who can be harsh, if necessary) in charge of RSVP' they can interject the person who wants to "plus 1"...because you know....there will be someone.

Nini said...

Well, from one who has planned, coordinated, and made countless invitations for weddings (ahem...that would be me :-) 'newer' proper etiquette would be to make it clear on the invite. If you wanted someone to be able to bring a plus one then on the invitation you address it to Bennett Gibson and Guest. That gives them the option to bring someone if they like, and if there is no guest written, there is no option.

Also, if you are having response cards you can include a line that says: M______________ will ___ or will not ____ attend

That way they write in the name of the person(s) attending.

Hope this makes sense. You are going to have a fabulous wedding and regardless of wedding crashers or not (watch out...Bennett may just call it an open party so he can play Kenny G for all to hear), you are going to be stunning, glowing, and the belle of the ball! Congrats!

josh jensen said...

a good way to address this is to specifically name the guests on rsvp cards. in theory, at least. we haven't actually done this yet so i have no way to claim first-hand the validity of this tactic. but it's worth a shot!

Living the Wyld Life said...

a mix between Nini and Josh. We are saying that __ of __ guest will be attending. But we will be PRE-filling in the second blank. Because of our no plus one rule I have friends who wont come. SUPER huge bummer, but if they can't be my friend without a date I'm not going to worry about it.