living. loving. laughing.

living.  loving.  laughing.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

the thread of recent conversation.

My conversations as of late seem to be revolving around this single thread: transition. And life is full of them. As of late, I've been struck with the transition in moving from being a single, independent adult to a married, dependent-in-a-good-way partner. Not that engagement makes me feel like I'm in that weird middle spot, but I do feel like I'm in that place of transition. James and I were both laughing and lamenting the ever-evolving transition to "couplehood": no longer is my inbox full of evite and facebook invitations to this 75+ party and that, but instead emails circulate as to couple dinner dates and Friday night game nights. Apples to Apples, or Settlers of Cattan? What shall it be, folks?

It's been stark, to say the least, and has hit me abruptly - but though the massive friends list may be decreasing, I feel like I'm - like we're - trading it in for something better. It's that which everyone at the Saturday night party craves, even with all the single-minded, feminine streaks we possess: we long and we yearn for intimacy. We want to be known, loved and understood. We all had our little "beep beep! Is THIS the one?" radars on and collection of men to fall back on in our hoppers. but now I've got the one. and there is no back-up hopper plan.

So as James and I step into marriage in just a couple months, we're excited to hunker down and be each other's #1 fans - and with such a statement, it does mean that naturally we're easing ourselves out of that arena. But I don't lightly brush it off with an "out with the old, and in with the new" mentality: there is a mourning process that goes on. A well-loved and celebrated season of the past 10 years post-college is coming to a close, and I don't want to then become one of those married women who forgets what it was like being single, thoughtlessly peering past the person's eyes, wondering why they're too not married yet.

Because there's not a recipe, or an order, or a formula that works.

That I'm finding out with relationships, with life, with jobs and ministry, with it ALL. But sometimes I do wish for an inbox full of evite invitations, just for old time's sake.


Anonymous said...

really good reflections Cara Mac! love you friend, Anna

jenbaum said...

love it... beautifully written, my friend! blessings upon you and James as you maneuver through this time of transition both as individuals, and as partners.